I'm Baaaaaaack! =]

Here I am, back again after quite some time. It has made me quite sad not to be able to blog, but I was really in no place to do it and was super stressed out about my life and being back here at school. There have been so many new things that I've had to learn to deal with. My classes have been kicking my butt, when it really should be the other way around, and I'm still learning how to use my free time to my advantage to no avail. But don't get me wrong, things have been getting better.

Here are me and 4/5 of my friends. The 5th is taking the pic! =P

And last night the 5th friend (who shall remain nameless), her roomie, and I went skating at the Boston Common Frog Pond!



This is friend #5's roommate! She is from Florida originally, and you can TOTALLY tell that we were freezing in the below freezing temps! BUT we had an amazing time and it totally took my mind off of everything stressful.

As for classes, psychology is terribly hard. It is killing me slowly. (Not really, I just like being dramatic...) I just can't seem to grasp the concepts. Maybe it's because it's technically a science and I've never been very good at sciences. But there is something about memorizing the parts of the brain that just intimidates me and freaks me out. I am just so stressed out about it.

Spanish isn't that bad, neither is my Multi Disciplinary Core Course, and my Education class is everything I ever hoped it would be. I really love and enjoy it!

That's all for now, I'd better get back to my work!

TTFN!

I feel like...

crud. I'm in a funk, and I don't know how why, or how I'm going to get out. I'm in no place to blog, and I just need some time to spend on me... I will try to be back as soon as I get everything figured out... Sorry! (Again, if anyone is reading this.... at all)

It's been a while...

And I've been busy back at school, but I will catch you all up either Friday afternoon or over the weekend when I get a moment to catch my breath... if anyone is even reading this blog... but for now here's a quote I like to hold you (or me) over...

Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.
Benjamin Franklin

Night!

Tomorrow...

Won't be half as good as the day this pic was taken:

And it won't be as good as today. For two reasons. Today was pretty good. And tomorrow is my last day of freedom before heading back to school. It should be interesting blogging while at school since I started my blog during vacation and have yet to post from there...

Today I walked to the supermarket (1 mile each way) and got some delicious sandwiches and baked goods for my grandma and myself. I felt so grown up going to the supermarket by myself, I almost always have someone with me. Then I surfed the web, watched some TV, and went out to dinner. Then I watched "Jesse Stone: Thin Ice" which was very good, and ordered this semester's text books! A lot was accomplished!

'Til tomorrow!

(And a BIG congrats to my cousin Corey who joined the USMC (United States Marine Corps) family, as he graduated from Boot Camp today! OOH RAH!)

Hmmm....

I'm not sure what to write tonight to sort of make up for the heaviness of last night's post, but I didn't want to not write. I suppose I could say that in addition to my 3 older brothers being Marines, and my older brother's girlfriend being a freshman at the Naval Academy, as of tomorrow I will also be a Marine cousin! My cousin Corey (who is my age) graduates boot camp and heads home tomorrow. God bless the servicemen and women of our country. Keep them all in your prayers please (if that is your way to support them.)


Night!

I have a confession...

I know it's technically Thursday, but bear with me as I've not gotten to bed yet.

Here's my confession:

I cried. Just now. As I was checking Mckmama's latest post.

See it reminded me of this:

That's me and my baby sister when I was about 3 and she was about a year. See, she passed not long after her first birthday, and since I was three, I obviously didn't really get a chance to know her. (Clarification: I still do have a younger sister, who is currently 7.) The reason I cried at Mckmama's post tonight is because I never really did get a chance to know her, and my parents will always wonder what she may have been. She was not a normal child, she never cried, was on oxygen, never walked or crawled, and had a feeding tube. The doctors never figured out what her condition was exactly, but it was a rough patch of pneumonia that eventually did her in. My parents always told me that I would never allow them to photograph her alone, unless I wasn't home or was sleeping. I loved that little girl. I don't care if I don't remember, I know I loved her with all my heart, because she was the first sister God ever gave me, and that will always make her special. So tonight, I'm sitting here, at my grandparents house, alone in my room, silently sobbing, because I wish I had gotten a chance to really know her, or even to know enough about the situation at the time to have said my goodbyes and tell her how I feel about her now. And I feel guilty, for all the times I have shoved my 7 year old little sister aside in my lifetime, when I was being selfish or moody, because maybe someday before I go, God will take her too, and I won't have cherished the moments of growing up with her when I missed the chance the first time around. And I feel even worse that now I don't have that opportunity since I don't live with my family anymore.

I've lost quite a few special people in my lifetime. I know God wanted my sister in heaven with him, and that made her special, but sometimes I just wish we could have gotten a chance to know her better, to really get to enjoy her before it was over.

ok... that was obviously a heavy post, but I needed to write it. I'll be lighter tomorrow, promise.

For now, night.

Tomorrow

I'm heading to my grandparents to keep my grandmother company while she is recovering from a broken collarbone and can't completely do everything on her own.

I'm ready to get out of here anyway...

Today

was boring and I'm torn.

Good Night!

Good night everyone... tonight I WON'T be hiding behind my music. When I go to sleep, whatever thoughts arise, I'm going to deal with them. What are you going to be doing?

I realized something kinda powerful...

That I hide behind music.

Hold on a second, let me explain, because some people might ask "How is it possible to hide behind music?"

I LOVE MUSIC. As if that wasn't apparent, it's the truth. I really enjoy my music all the time. Daytime, nighttime, anytime in between. It really, well, to me it's like laying underneath this tree during the fall and breathing the fresh, crisp, fall air.

Like I said, I really enjoy music. To me, it's like seeing all the colors in the rainbow at one time, breathing them in, taking my life away for a little while, escaping from it all.

I listen to my iPod more than the average teenager, I could pretty much guarantee it. I listen to it in it's dock when I wake up in the morning, on my way to class, at lunch if I'm alone, on my way back from my classes, when I'm doing my homework, when I'm bored, and when I go to sleep. Yup, I even listen to it when I go to sleep.

So how does this mean that I hide behind my music? Well, lately I've been going through some personal things. Mind you, not extremely hard things, but personal things nonetheless. And what I've discovered is that I listen to music when I find myself beginning to think about these personal things I'm dealing with right now. I'm using my iPod and the music stored on it to avoid thinking about things that maybe don't necessarily make my life easy or happy. I need to stop doing this. Not that I don't enjoy my music, and that I enjoy not thinking about my life... honestly, because I love both of those things. But I need to stop doing them. I need to stop listening to music instead of dealing with the feelings that I'm having about the things that have happened in my life.

It might be hard, but in order to reach my goals and resolutions for 2010, then I need to deal with these things. And yesterday, I began to deal with them. I did. FINALLY!
I wrote it all out and unwound all those feelings that I was beginning to supress. Not only did I do that but I wrote out a plan for how to reach all of my goals. And it was so nice to finally breathe.

So I am vowing that I will no longer hide behind my iPod and my favorite songs. I'm going to deal with all of my feelings up front and early.
TTFN!

Yesterday

Was the first day since I've started blogging that I didn't write something...

Sorry, self.

I feel bad...

That I neglected to follow up my happy post last night.

I'm sorry if I disappointed anyone... which I doubt since this blog seems to be read by no one... but that's okay with me because this helps me in my every day struggles.

So back to the last post:

Lately I've been down about what's been going on in my life. I feel a certain distance from my high school friends that are still in high school. I can't say that none of it is/was my fault. I obviously have neglected to keep in touch with them on a regular basis, and that is because of my being lazy. I don't deny that, and I think that's what was making me so unhappy. I was unhappy with my efforts to stay friends with them. And trust me, I DO NOT want to lose two people specifically. They have been there for me through thick and thin, and have been people I can always rely on.

So yesterday I had a lunch date with (to be honest, this person, I would rather continue to be close with because we are closer and she and I have been through so much together) Sprinkle* to catch up, being that we hadn't seen each other since September. And well, we ate rather quickly, so we dropped by Cupcake's* house and visited. Oh boy, it was just like old times. I was so happy to finally belong somewhere again. It was something that I had been waiting for for a long time. I missed them so much, and we were just rolling off of each others jokes.

* Name changed to protect identity. =P

It was awesome, and such a HUGE self-esteem booster. It was perfect, it confirmed that I wasn't losing them to distance, and it made me realize that I need to make more of an effort to keep them around.

So there you have it... a little late... but better late than never? I hope.

Today I got my teeth cleaned at the dentist then hung out at home, and went to my younger brothers' basketball game. Not a very productive day, but relaxing.

And if anyone reads this... don't be afraid to comment! It would certainly make me feel as though my efforts were not for nothing. (Okay, that does NOT sound grammatically correct...)

Night!

Happy!

Oh so so so HAPPY!

And I will tell you why in my next post, AFTER I watch M.I.O.B.I with my little sister!

Tell you soon! =]

Grades

So here are my grades: A, A-, B, B-

That's it.

And somehow that only adds up to a 3.335 GPA.

Not anything more than that...

And I needed a 3.5 to make the Dean's List...

So I didn't make it. =[

But I'm getting over it. I guess it just disappoints me a little bit, but I guess I'll be okay. Looking forward to trying again next semester!

COLD

That's what my day was today.

Besides grocery shopping with my parents, and watching them experiment with new recipes.

Then getting my flu shot while my sister got her second H1N1 vaccine...

A normal, boring, New England day.

Untitled

It was a long day with lots of decluttering and work.

Lots of snow too. Pics up tomorrow maybe...

Have a nice night!

I thought...

I should post something today. If nothing important, at least I would have gotten something written. I'm currently watching "Catch Me If You Can" with my dad... very very interesting story if not a riveting story. I love movies like this.

So there you have it, my lazy Saturday night... What are you doing?

Snow...and other New Year's Day Happenings

Wouldn't you love it if you woke up in Northern New England to peer outside your frosty window and see this:

Yeah, so would I!

Ok, well not for long, seeing as I really dislike cold and snowy weather. But when I'm inside, all wrapped up in a blanket drinking some peppermint cocoa and eating cookies, it sure it beautiful to look out at. And it sounds like when I wake up Sunday morning, this is what I may be seeing! =] [Or something similar... since I live on a main road that will mostly be covered in sand, and plowed up to ruin the snowbanks... and awww man! It'll be ruined!] Ok, so I won't dwell on that... but the field across the street will have a similar look to it and it will remind me why I love winter... I hope.

This afternoon the family played Wii, and I totally did NOT act completely immature when my 14 year old brother grabbed the remote and made me play two player! [Oh no, I would NEVER do that!] Ok, so I did... but I'm working on it. Actually I'm working on a whole control issue I have. I'm not sure what compels me to do it, but I LOVE being in control and [unfortunately] will act like a total and complete IDIOT in order to stay in control. It's a MAJOR problem, and like I said, I'm working on it. But we did have fun as a family, playing bowling and golf, until things got...AHEM.... out of hand.

Speaking of the Wii... I LOVE IT! It's pure fun! My grandparents bought it for us for Christmas. And to be honest, we have 5 games... that's it. The console came with a sports game that includes bowling, boxing, golf, tennis, and baseball. Then my parents bought us a game called WiiPlay, that has... hold your breath! a COW RACE! amongst such games as "Laser Hockey" [essentially air hockey with neon :) ] and pool. Then each of the younger kids got an individual game, Cheerleading, Tak and the power of Juju and Lego Indiana Jones. And the only one we ever play is bowling! It's so much fun! I LOVE IT! So there's my little advertising time for Wii... honestly, it's worth every penny, I assure you.

Last thing I'm going to say, PROMISE! I'm a TV addict... my last confession!

Happy New Year!

Yay!

Happy New Year!

Let's hope 2010 brings good things for all!