Sunday, January 10, 2010

I realized something kinda powerful...

That I hide behind music.

Hold on a second, let me explain, because some people might ask "How is it possible to hide behind music?"

I LOVE MUSIC. As if that wasn't apparent, it's the truth. I really enjoy my music all the time. Daytime, nighttime, anytime in between. It really, well, to me it's like laying underneath this tree during the fall and breathing the fresh, crisp, fall air.

Like I said, I really enjoy music. To me, it's like seeing all the colors in the rainbow at one time, breathing them in, taking my life away for a little while, escaping from it all.

I listen to my iPod more than the average teenager, I could pretty much guarantee it. I listen to it in it's dock when I wake up in the morning, on my way to class, at lunch if I'm alone, on my way back from my classes, when I'm doing my homework, when I'm bored, and when I go to sleep. Yup, I even listen to it when I go to sleep.

So how does this mean that I hide behind my music? Well, lately I've been going through some personal things. Mind you, not extremely hard things, but personal things nonetheless. And what I've discovered is that I listen to music when I find myself beginning to think about these personal things I'm dealing with right now. I'm using my iPod and the music stored on it to avoid thinking about things that maybe don't necessarily make my life easy or happy. I need to stop doing this. Not that I don't enjoy my music, and that I enjoy not thinking about my life... honestly, because I love both of those things. But I need to stop doing them. I need to stop listening to music instead of dealing with the feelings that I'm having about the things that have happened in my life.

It might be hard, but in order to reach my goals and resolutions for 2010, then I need to deal with these things. And yesterday, I began to deal with them. I did. FINALLY!
I wrote it all out and unwound all those feelings that I was beginning to supress. Not only did I do that but I wrote out a plan for how to reach all of my goals. And it was so nice to finally breathe.

So I am vowing that I will no longer hide behind my iPod and my favorite songs. I'm going to deal with all of my feelings up front and early.

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