Saturday, March 6, 2010

Here I am...

Home at last.

On my own bed.

Happier than I've been in weeks.

With the ones I love.

Home at last.

I've been here since about 9:30 last night and have already been eating better than I have in 2 months. That dining hall food is really awful. I suppose though, that I should be extremely grateful that I even have decent food to eat since after reading MckMama's Kenya posts, I have been feeling guilty that I complain about my extremely privileged life here in America.

Who am I to complain?

When I have so much, that it's really quite ridiculous.

I have a home.

I'm working on obtaining three college degrees, and have the opportunity to do that.

I have a loving family that can provide for me financially as well as with love and support.

And I'm ashamed and mad at myself that I complain so much.

Every time I see those photos.

I feel like crying.

But I'm not the one going out there to see what their lives are like.

And perhaps a topic for another day, but I don't think that's what God is calling me to do.

Personally I have issues with wanting to go to places like Kenya and help children in their countries when children in our own country are just as much in need. Sure, there are less of them. Which is GREAT. Don't get me wrong. Helping those in countries like Kenya is great. I commend those who have the money and choose to send it to children in those countries, and volunteer their time to help kids there. But who says they can't give money and help to children here at home, who need it just as much? Like I said, we're very fortunate that there are less, but I sometimes feel like we need to fix our own problems before we attempt to help others, because without a good infrastructure here, how can we begin to help others? I know that it can sound hypocritical, but for some reason, it's just the way that I feel.

I feel as though my calling by God is to become a teacher. Which by now, if you know me, you know that I am in progress of obtaining degrees to become an Elementary School teacher. I feel as though that is what my calling is. Helping children here in my own country with my natural gifts. I have heard that I have a real knack for children, and that I am excellent at explaining things to people. Therefore a logical thing is for me to translate that into something that I can make a career out of. But it's not just that, and some people may ask: How do you know? And while I would like to say that I prayed long and hard about it as a good Christian would and should. But truthfully, I didn't. I was going through a rough patch with my faith at the time. I am much more in touch with it now. But I just had a feeling, it was there, like something was begging me to do this. I knew from the second that I saw the pamphlet for the college that I now attend, that I had to do it. I felt compelled for absolutely no reason. I had to go there, and I had to become a teacher. And I haven't questioned it since. There has been no reason for me to. I know God wants it. I feel it. And I will eventually pray on it, when the time comes for me to declare my major at the end of the semester, but for right now, I have no doubts that that is what God has called me to do.

So Here I Am.

At Last.
And Ready.
To Blog.
Tell You All That's On My.


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