Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Moment of Weakness Last Night/Yesterday, Separation is a Good Thing.

Obviously if you've read my post from last night (which was definitely a bit self-pity-ish) you'll see that I had a moment or two where I was really wishing I was back in Boston. And of course, a post just before that was dedicated to Boston. So, you can just see the weird connection there (just kidding obviously, because it's not weird and you should just know that I've had way too much sleep in the past 24 hours so I'm kinda loopy so this post will be jumpy.)

To be honest, I was a little bit pathetic. I hadn't thought about what I said, thought, or was writing at the time. But I'm not saying I regret the post. This is what my blog is for. It's here for me to express myself so that I and others can read about my life (if they so choose) and my thoughts on specific things (primarily, my life as a college student.) I wrote that post so that I could get all the negative thoughts about being here versus being in Boston out of my head and "onto paper" (even though this is the internet.) I wrote it so that I could remind myself of why I'm here in the first place, which is because I LOVE this place, no matter how much I miss Boston, I still love San Diego with all my heart and am pumped to be here, even for a short period of time. I wrote that post so that I could see how crazy I was about even thinking for a second that I wanted to leave.

Through writing that post, I realized something. I realized that maybe Boston is more for me than San Diego is, and maybe San Diego is just an utopian place for me. It's a place where it's always warm, the palm trees are out in full force, the beach is amazing, and the people all dress gorgeously. And I also realized that it's possible San Diego is more for me than Boston is. Maybe Boston is just a place I'm meant to go to college and enjoy while I'm there. Maybe it's not always Sox games and T rides. It's all up in the air, and I will never know until I make a move. Luckily for me, I still have time for that move to happen.

At heart I know I will always be a New England girl. That doesn't mean I have to stay there for the rest of my life, but it just means that I will always love it and I will always call that part of the country home. (Although let me be clear... the house I was raised in is my home, but the town that it is located in is not my home. I hate that place.) Before, I was so sure that I would spend the rest of my adult life here in San Diego after I finish school in Boston. But I'm doubting that thought now (and let's just praise God I have 3 more years to decide what I really do want.) I might end up here, LA, Boston, New York, South Carolina, or Pennsylvania. I don't know any of that for sure right now.

All I do know for sure is that I have 13 more weeks in a beautiful city and I am determined to appreciate every second of it. I'm going to start work (at the latest June 13 is what I was told) and have fun there and make some money to save and set aside for the coming school year so I can have fun back in Boston. I'm going to go to the beach, and spend as much time outside as possible starting tomorrow. I'm going to get a tan (which I haven't done in YEARS) outside in the sun. I'm going to soak in all the vitamin D I possibly can. That's going to remind myself why I came here in the first place. I'm going to make new friends, have good times, and see Kellz & Kiki in approximately 12 weeks when they come to visit. I'm going to practice my Spanish so I can impress them when they get here. I'm going to use the separation from them to focus on me... and improve myself. I'm going to enjoy the 13 weeks of summer before things get nuts again.

And I realized all this from thinking about what I wrote last night after I wrote it. I realized that separation is a good thing. That spending all day every day with people can burn you out and that absence makes the heart grow fonder. I miss my girls, my family, my city, and my grandparents. And I know that when I see them all again in August it will have been worth the separation. :)

Peace, ♥ , and happiness! :)